omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
