sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
