Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
