i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
