I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
