you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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