It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ruined the universe
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