Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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