What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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