At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
