I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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