Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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