At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
