1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
