16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
