I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize