Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
