Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
