You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
