I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize