Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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