well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
