We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
