i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
