Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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