he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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