I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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