this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize