Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
