Small penises have feelings too.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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