Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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