Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
