a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
