I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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