Soap is not a condiment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
