who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
