I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
