Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
