I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
