Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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