Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
