he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize