Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
