haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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