I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
