so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
