I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
