it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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