Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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