I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
