I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
