where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
