i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
