im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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