I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
