yo everyone went to the hospital last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
