Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
