My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
