dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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