gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
