Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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