I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
