So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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