the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
