if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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