Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
