on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
