Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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