I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize