how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
