I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
