Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
