I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize