threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
