Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
