My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
