Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
