I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
