Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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