Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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